How My Heart Behaves
by lexlady
Summary: The cold heart will burst if mistrusted first. And a calm heart will break when given a shake.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first songfic and my first actual oneshot. ****I might leave this as a oneshot, or a series of oneshots depending on the feedback. Lemme know!**

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What grew  
What grew  
And What grew and inside who

"Hey. I've got two tickets to Vegas. Do you wanna get married tonight?" It was the equivalent of holding his heart of the side of a building. It was now or never.

Her quiet, "Yes," echoed over the line.

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First so simple was the vow  
Then the chorus sang about  
Your shoulder  
The mooring for me  
Like water lost in the sea

They were silent on the flight, only speaking when it was necessary. "Are you comfortable?" "I have to go to the restroom." "Do you need the light?" "No, thanks." "Yes, thanks."

Their words were sparse, their eye contact minimal. She was afraid to look at him. Afraid it was all a dream. He was afraid if he opened his big mouth she would change her mind and jump off of the plane, and he would have no choice but to follow.

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The cold heart will burst  
If mistrusted first  
And a calm heart will break  
When given a shake

More than halfway through the flight, his hand gingerly crept into hers. She squeezed back.

They still didn't look at each other, but their hands stayed connected until their flight touched down.

He grabbed both suitcases. Hastily packed on both their parts. A taxi was hailed, shortly thereafter.

"We want to get married," he blurted to the driver. "Take us somewhere, where that can happen…"

Glancing backwards at the woman sitting beside him he added, "Somewhere nice."

She liked nice things and she deserved nice things, he thought.

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I'm a stem now  
Pushing the drought aside  
Opening up  
Fanning my yellow eye  
On the ferry  
That's making the waves wave  
Illumination  
This is how my heart behaves

The lights of the strip were dizzying. She felt light they were being painted in thick layers upon her raw nerves. The very recent pain and heartbreak were being pulled apart and lifted. She felt high, unlike herself, and finally herself all at the same time. The paradox was strangely calming.

When the taxi stopped at the Little Chapel, there was thankfully no line. It was a slow night for weddings.

"It's like being in a cupcake," she murmured, looking around at the pink frilly décor. Her eyes landed on him, boldly. "I like it," she said with a finality that made him chuckle. It made him feel like he was set free. He didn't want to stop laughing.

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The cold heart will burst  
If mistrusted first  
And a calm heart will break when given a shake

"I love you," he declared quietly. It came out like a longwinded sigh. _Now_ he was free.

The service was short. The staff served as their witnesses and directed the newlyweds towards the strip where they could find a hotel far nicer than the place they were married to celebrate.

Mr. and Mrs. Lucas Scott were sent up champagne and strawberries and when they were finished, they crept into each other's arms. His kiss was firmer than the whisper of lips at their 'ceremony.'

Her eyes had stopped their shyness, emboldened by the alcohol and her new title of Mrs. Scott. He wasn't sure when she had developed this habit of not looking directly at him. He hadn't been paying any attention, but he'd noticed it earlier when he'd been with her. Her eyes barely met his. They would meet his before skittering away. Like she was afraid he would hurt them too.

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(How her heart behaves)  
The rain rain making me cry  
(How her heart behaves)  
Then the wind comes  
Fanning my yellow eye

He ran his fingers through her hair. She sighed.

Her hand crept up his shirt. He groaned.

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(How her heart behaves)  
The waves wave the waves wave  
This is how my heart behaves

He lay her down, gently upon the king sized bed and sat up to remove his shirt. Acquiring sudden wariness that came and went, she began to slowly unbutton her top. His fingers brushed her hands aside, so he could finish the job. Her shirt fluttered to the ground. His mouth began to worship her flesh.

Their lovemaking was tender and gentle and like the first time of so many others who had decided to wait for something real and special. The only difference being they knew each other's bodies.

It was a homecoming. The kind that brought tears to their eyes.

When morning light came the only evidence of the night before was the empty champagne bottle on the dresser.

She turned over suddenly to find the other side of the bed empty. Familiar panic set in. It wouldn't be the first time she had her heart broken in a hotel. She cursed herself for being a fool.

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A cold heart will burst  
If mistrusted first

His entrance from the bathroom found her breath returned to her in sporadic gasps as tears began flying down her cheeks.

He was by her side in an instant, cradling her cheeks and looking up into her face in question. He panicked. It wouldn't be the first time she broke his heart in a hotel. Had she changed her mind? Did she regret marrying him? Regret him?

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And a calm heart will break  
When given a shake

"I thought you'd left," she trembling voice spoke. His eyes fell shut. His heart was finally open and now he could see.

For the first time he really saw the pain he'd caused her. The damage he'd done, when he had once promised her he would never hurt her; Never leave her.

"No," he spoke finally, his voice strangled with emotion. He wanted to promise her he'd never leave again, because his words were all he had, but looking into the sad doubting eyes of his wife…his wife. He knew he had to show her now.

He had messed up before as the protector and holder of her heart. He had to build a safe place for it now…not tell it bedtime stories. Action vs. words.

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The cold heart will burst  
If mistrusted first  
And a calm heart will break  
When given a shake

He looked down at her hand. Her ring finger was bare. The only clue that he was married was sitting in front of him, wiping her eyes with the back of one hand.

"No," he said again, taking holding of the hand and pressing a tender kiss to her palm. He circled his arms around her waist then, and lay them back down on the bed. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and cheek.

"I'm here."

"Don't leave, Luke."

"Peyton," he whispered into her mouth. "I'm here."

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What grew  
What grew  
What grew and inside who

**What did you think? Loved it? Hated it? Surprised I didn't have Peyton give him a black eye? Let me know and also definitely check out the song How My Heart Behaves by Feist.**


	2. Chapter 2

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**I got a lot of great feedback on this one, so I think I'll continue it a series of oneshots. Some will be a continuation of the first chapter and some like this chapter stand alone.**

**Thank you all for the great responses!**

Thwam

Sweat poured down her neck in rivulets. It was the impact and the burst of air out of her lungs with each one that satisfied.

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Thwam-Thwam

Even as her fist connected with their target, even as the air was expelled gloriously from her lungs and the muscles in her arms began to burn she felt something return to her.

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Thwam-thwam-thwam-wack

People have said that Los Angeles changes you. That the City of Angels can make or break you. It's a rough town and no place for pansies to be sure. It had seen the strongest fall.

Bringing down Peyton Sawyer had been a snap. Los Angeles had sucked something out of her, transformed her into a person unrecognizable. It was a change that only became more apparent when she returned home to Tree Hill.

She had become a person who let people who claimed to be her friends remind her constantly of her failure. As though the fact that she had crawled home with little left of her soul and self-esteem wasn't enough.

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Thwam

As though coming home, with her heart in her hands, to offer to the one person who had been a constant in her mind, even after he'd left, wasn't enough.

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Thwam

Only to find that he had upgraded to a gorgeous, well-spoken, successful knockout and he couldn't even bear to hug her hello. As if she had wronged him somehow. _THWAM_

Ha-ha Peyton Sawyer sucks at life.

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Thwam

Peyton Sawyer, the she-devil who can't stay away from Lucas, who won't let him be happy with Lindsey. And everyone…

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Thwam

was on team-

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Thwam

fucking Lindsey.

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ThwamThwam

She had become the butt of the joke. She had become the enemy, the other. And what made it worse-what killed her, was that they had her believing it too. Her friends who tell her that she and Lucas are supposed to be together and then happily create a wedding dress for _her. _Her friends who tell Lucas that she means more to him than he is willing to admit and then in the next breath question her intentions, her love.

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ThwamThwamThwamThwamWack

It had been several long years since she pulled this thing out. A gift from a brother she didn't speak to as often as she'd like and saw even less. The brother who returned her strength and her fire after it had been snuffed out of her.

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ThwamThwam

What would Derek do? You're made of better stuff than this Sawyer. No fear.

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ThwamThwamThwamThwam

Rivulets of sweat poured down her back and brow. She wiped at her eyes with a quick swipe before setting back on the generic face she was pummeling. She didn't see specific people really-no matter how much Haley deserved a punch to her sanctimonious-judgmental face. She felt the emotion associated with those faces and every time her fist connected, it was one step farther away from the hurt and closer to the Peyton Sawyer Derek had reintroduced her to, to the Peyton Sawyer

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ThwamThwam

Outside the sun was setting over Tree Hill. Haley was somewhere singing her songs and being self-righteous. Brooke was somewhere trying to fill a void with a baby she couldn't keep. Lucas was trying to fill his own void by helping her, and Brooke was letting him.

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ThwamThwamThwamThwamThwam

Despite all of it, Peyton smiled. Fuck it.

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Thwam

_Thwam_

She was Peyton freaking Sawyer.

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Thwam

She'd be on her own team.

**You know the drill. :-)**


	3. Proof

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**The super excellent song Proof is by this super excellent band called Coldplay.**

So I waited for you  
What wouldn't I do  
And I'm covered it's true  
I'm covered in you

"What made you call me?"

Her voice broke the early morning quiet of his bedroom, shaking him from his half-slumber. Blue light peaked through the blinds laying strips across the naked limbs that were entangled and glowing with sweat from having just made love.

Twenty hours ago they had stolen quietly out of Tree Hill and within 12 hours amidst the flashing lights of Las Vegas, in a pink chapel that looked like a cupcake he had made her Mrs. Peyton Scott. Just like that.

And just as quietly they had returned home as man and wife. There were no rings on either of their fingers and no honeymoon in sight. Instead they returned to Lucas's-now Lucas and Peyton's home and locked themselves away. They hadn't even checked the messages that they knew were in their voice mailboxes. Neither knew what elopement etiquette demanded, but they both seemed to be in silent agreement that they wanted to stay in this moment awhile longer; this moment where nothing existed but the two of them.

Now in the harsh morning light of their hometown, Peyton knew they were mere hours away from rejoining reality. Her mind was already more than halfway there. Although, being here in his arms and calling herself his wife seemed real and right, it seemed as though they had skipped a step that left her floundering and confused now. He had reassured her of his devotion to her in Las Vegas after she'd awoken thinking he had left her again. But after so much hurt, her heart had literally come back up for air after taking a plunge-_the_ plunge with Lucas once again, yanked on her mind and asked- "Again? Is this wise?".

_Her head, that lay resting upon his chest didn't move as she uttered the question. She so desperately wanted to let the past go. They were married now, but that was hard to do when only days before he had told her that he hated her, wished her gone from his life, and offered her a weak apology only hours before. _

Why, after all that had passed between them with Lindsey, why did he make the call? Her answer had been a given she would now and forever be in love with Lucas Scott. It made her a fool, she knew. But she had stopped hiding herself a long time ago. Lucas, on the other hand-hiding was all he knew.

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Light and dark. Bright spark

"You…scared me." His voice was a low hum to her ears. Soothing and melodic as she listened to his voice and heartbeat.

"What?" Soft, so as not the break the spell.

"I had never desired anyone's love in my life other than Dan's when I was a kid and after I realized he wasn't going to give it to me….I stopped, I guess. But then I saw you and I thought-don't laugh-My God, she's like the sun."

Peyton found herself snickered. "Dork."

"I know. But that's what you did to me. I would make the biggest fool out of myself for you. You had me Peyton. You had me on a leash and I think a part of you knew. That night at Dan's party when you walked away, after I'd offered you my heart, it hurt me more than I think even I was willing to admit. Then that night in LA…I've known hurt Peyton, Brooke has hurt me before, so has Lindsey, but with you…It's soul-shattering. Because that's what you have. My whole soul, Peyton. You have everything."

He stroked her bare back, feeling her warm tears hit his chest. "You don't think I feel that hurt, Luke?"

"No, I know you do," he insisted replied, raising her face to his. "I know you do, sweetheart. I just…I didn't realize how much you felt it. How much I hurt you."

"Lucas I was scared. I'm just as scared of you as you are of me. Your love is frightening Lucas. It's overwhelming and accepting that love meant I could lose it."

"Like your mom and Jake…"

"People always leave, Lucas," Peyton whispered back, staring him dead in the eye. Lucas winced. The words were like thorns wrapped around his heart. He had wanted to be the one to save her, to show her that the world didn't always hurt, that not everyone left. Instead he'd hurt her and ultimately himself, in the worst possible way.

Silence reigned for a long moment that stretched and yawned. Birds began to twitter and sing outside the bedroom window. Peyton turned her face away from his.

He hadn't proposed to her the way he'd wanted to, both times. The first time had been an obvious disaster. This second time had been like asking her to go get a drink. That's not what he'd wanted. That's not what she deserved. He turned his head to look at her profile.

"You're nose is bent funny," he said, before his mind could filter. Wide, indignant green eyes turned to stare at him.

"Look who's talking," she snapped back, although a smile was tugging at the corner of her lips. Her perfect lips.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly and with such heart that she knew he was not speaking about her long nose. She nodded, because she knew he was truly sorry for all of it.

He smiled at her and she shook her head. I'm a fool, she thought, as he tugged her back beside him. Her eyes darted up to his face as he began speaking again.

"The first time we interacted, you nearly ran me over with your car," his said, his voice carrying a hint of humor.

"You…were bitchy and combative and you made it hard to like you. But even when I wanted to quit my first love, basketball, I couldn't quit you. I couldn't quit you, Peyton. I can't quit you and I don't want to."

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek tenderly.

"That's why I called you. That and I'm a wuss. I should have….in person."

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Light and dark  
And then light

Peyton shook her head, "We've never done anything by the book, Luke. You called me for the same reason I said yes."

A slow smile spread across Lucas's face and she matched it. Their relationship was complicated and maybe it would always be. But for all of their drama it was all very simple really. There once was a boy who loved a girl….

"I'm going to love you forever," he whispered before leaning in the rest of the way to capture her mouth with his own.

_Oh and if I ever want proof  
Then I find it in you  
Oh, yeah I honestly do  
In you I find proof  
_

**You know what else is super excellent? Reviews. :p**


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